Doubt- Writers’ Kryptonite

Writers are funny. Not funny aha-ah but funny peculiar. All right, so some writers are also funny ah-ah, but I will be focusing on the peculiar side of things today. I’m a writer. Always have been a writer since the first time I was able to put two words together. However for the most part I’ve been a “closet” writer–and no, this is not a plug for my novel We Will Always Have the Closet (see what I did there? I plugged it anyway). The truth is I have been terrified of showing my writing to anyone (teachers and family don’t count. Neither of them are very objective, I’ve found) until a little over a year ago when I joined the wonderful Sippy Cups and Semantics (I know. I’ve mentioned this before, but just bear with me). I had kind of given up on the dream of becoming a published author. After trying it for a few years and getting nothing but rejections and once the market became pretty much closed for non-agented authors I figured I did not stand a chance (back then I had no clue as to how to get an agent). .

Imagine my shock and pleasure when I landed myself a publishing contract after all these years. So, now I am a published author. My name is on the cover of a book that people I don’t know are actually reading. Exciting, right? Wrong! It’s terrifying…

For the past few weeks since my book has been released I’m in a constant state of fear and doubt. My very first review was good, but got followed by a short one calling my writing cheesy. Is my writing really cheesy? I love cheese, but should that be in any way connected to my writing skills? What exactly does that mean? OMG, I suck at writing, I scream in my head.

Somebody else says it was an easy read. Is that bad? I personally don’t enjoy books that make me want to scratch my own eyes out in confusion, but is being an easy read a good thing? As a girl being called easy is not good. How does that translate into literature? OMG is my book the floozy of the literary world?

If people come and ask me about my books I blush and think, “I better not make too much fuss about it. What if they read it and hate it?” If people don’t buy the books, “My book must suck. No-one is buying it.”

Seasoned authors, when does this madness end? Does it ever end? I’m getting ready to submit my second novel and the doubt is eating me alive. Will publishers like it enough to want it published? Did I put too much cheese into it? Not enough? Is it too easy? Or maybe it’s too hard…

Make it stop! Please, make it stop…

Like I said, writers are funny people never one hundred percent satisfied with their work, never totally sure of their skills and talent, tormented by doubt and fear. Maybe someone should write a horror story about this…hmm, Stephen King are you available?

 

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