I’ve been pretty depressed lately which makes me the person NOT to be around when you are trying to have fun. Even as I packed to go on a much deserved and wanted vacation, my mood was determined to ruin everything for me and my husband. On top of the depression there was the guilt that comes from realizing that you are unwillingly ruining things for those around you, as well.
You see, when you have the blues everything seems to fall apart. I have always been a believer and a practitioner in the power of positive thoughts. But this past year was so tough emotionally that I could feel the hold on the positive side of things slip away from me. Even the publishing of my first book could not take me out of my funk for long. In fact, in some ways it made it worse. The book sales have been abysmal enough to just make me want to quit my dream altogether. I think I have been so low, I have been emitting some kind of bad vibes to the world around me. I feel as if life is passing me by and I stand helpless against it.
Then there is this big world we live in where people can surprise you by being amazing or just horrifyingly cruel. The news are scary in more ways than one. There is so much hate talk on TV I wish I could convince my husband to just stop watching the news. The horror of what humans can do to other humans in the name of just about anything they can pull out of their delusional and morally skewed hat is terrifying and depressing.
Yesterday I woke up in tears and ended up going to bed in tears again. This morning I woke up and my first instinct was to turn around and go back to sleep. I dragged myself out of bed—mostly because my bladder was not taking no for an answer—and started my second day of vacation. I had decided that I was going to go to yoga this morning no matter how bad I felt. I even bought myself a new pair of yoga pants and a top considering I couldn’t use the one I brought (apparently my old yoga pants got depressed as well and gave up).
After I had a cup of coffee I did what I always do every morning. It’s my “business hour”, the time of the day I go through messages that came over night, swoon over the pretty book pictures on Instagram, and check (and clean) my inbox. I’m sweeping through all the Twitter notifications and other junky email when I see one from a publisher I queried to about a month ago. I brace myself for another rejection and I open it. Before I was even finished reading it, I was in tears. The good kind. They were offering me a contract for my second book (which happens to be one I really, really love). As if this was not enough, they sent me the nicest, most encouraging letter I have ever received from a publisher or an agent (and guys, I have been doing this for almost 30 years). The kindness in those words hit me hard.
In less than five minutes I went from “I want to drown myself in bed and never come up for air” to “Let’s go exercise and zip-lining” (not really! My husband will be doing that while I relax in the lazy river). The power of a handful of kind, encouraging words is truly amazing.
I apologize for this longish and rambling post. I think what I’m trying to say is don’t give up on your dream (even if it looks hopeless) and always be kind to others. Trust me, your kind words or actions can make a world of difference to someone who is not too thrilled to be alive at that moment. Pay it forward. One day you may be the one in need of those words.